I am 24 years old, jobless, penniless, and handicapped. I was pressured by my adviser to take a semester off from school. I am facing another surgery, for my nerves, and it may be in my arm or neck. I am in constant pain, going from doctor to doctor for tests, taking pills for the pain… I have not had a pain-free day in five years.
My point is this: I am in stasis. Not moving forward or backward. I still live with my parents, who treat me like a little kid sometimes (they are afraid of losing another child since my brother is… alive but not. It’s complicated). They pressure me to move with them in three years (I will be near fucking 30!!!) to Virginia, closer to the family that’s not so fucked up.
Sometimes I feel depressed about this, but not for long. I take medication for depression and anxiety, and honestly? I feel rather like a zombie. I don’t care about anything anymore, everything just is. I cut my hair off myself, much to my parent’s disappointment. Why bother paying thirty bucks for the same thing? I don’t care if my hair isn’t cut perfectly. I haven’t bought new clothes in years, and I have pretty much stopped wearing my bra and panties, even when I go out in public. I don’t care.
What is normal for me?